Patience. WTF?

Patience.

WTF?

It has been a long time since I have been here and I appreciate your patience. 

There has been too much that has happened for me to recap everything, however suffice it to say that I find myself in a situation that is unfamiliar. Things that have never been a challenge are now elusive.  I have never been fired and I don't completely understand why it happened.  I have never had an issue finding a place to live.  Now, I am so desperate, I have to look at inadequate housing just have a roof over my head. I have never been without employment in my adult life.  Now, my resume is being ignored by all.  WTF?

All I want to do is "fix" the situation, however it is unclear to me how to do so.  I have done all the things I have done in the past. They have all been unsuccessful.  WTF?

As a result, I am more than a little financially challenged. I really don't like it.  I understand that many people are in the same situation.  I am more than capable to look at them without judgement and with compassion.  It is not as easy for me to do so for myself. WTF?

I have come to conclusion that my God has a plan for me but I really wish S/He would get on with letting me know what it is. I am a person who wants to do something.  It is the only way I feel productive. If not action, what else? WTF?

I pray daily for knowledge of His/Her will for me and the power to carry it out.  I seem to be missing the message. I have begged for the neon sign, the 2/4 over my head, but still nothing. WTF?

There are many lessons to be learned from Albert Einstein; not the least of which is "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." So here I sit; a soul lost in my own version of insanity.  

I know that my God has two answers to my prayers, yes or wait.  Waiting is my worse thing. A skill I have improved, but by no means mastered.  

I have changed my strategy.  I have chosen to be patient with myself as best I can; to be compassionate with me as I do others.  I deserve it as do they.  I am working with what I have as opposed to wishing for what I think I should have.  There is a plan for me.  I am not clear as to what it is or understand the lesson I am meant to learn or if there is one I am to teach.  I continue to have faith that the Universe is unfolding as it should.  All of this is a work in progress, as am I. 

I have begun to write more diligently.  I have taken on critiquing as a way to improve my craft. I have gained courage to enable me to submit my writing to professionals for there review and comments.  I do my best to not take criticism personally; that it is my writing, not me being analysed.  

Patience is not easy for me, regardless of its simplicity.  It is my own ego that makes me think that I deserve better than my circumstances.  The fact is that I am not better or worse than anyone else on this planet.  It is through prayer, acceptance, and the elusive patience that I will clear the way for the happiness, joy and freedom that is ultimately my God's will for me.