Lessons learnt over the last 16 353 days

This is what I have learned over my lifetime. Do not discount them for their simplicity. 

True love does not have strings. 

Learning knowledge is not gaining wisdom. 

Before speaking should come thinking. 

The most important part of falling down is getting back up. 

Never ever settle for second best. 

Ask the question. The worse they can say is no. And you are no worse than before you asked the question. 

You say more by listening than speaking. 

Don't stop seeing the world for the first time. 

My heart always has room to love one more person. 

Real strength isn't found in your muscles, it's found in your soul. 

A day is only 24 hours, not forever. 

Never underestimate the power of a smile and a kind word. 

The decision does change anything. Only the action does.

God always believes I am stronger than I think. He is always right. 

Find that one person who has your back. Be the person who has someone elses back. 

Never lose your silly side. You will need it for the toughest times in your life. 

Compassion and understanding are in short supply. Make a deposit. 

A kiss and a hug doesn't make everything better. But it helps. 

My happiness is in direct relation to my level of acceptance. 

Happiness is an inside job. 

My right to extend my arm ends at the tip of your nose. 

Taking out your garbage makes room for better stuff. 

Everyone I meet teaches me something. Sometimes it is what I don't want to be. 

To love another person is to see the face of God. 

The Sun will rise tomorrow. How I greet it is up to me. 

Parenthood IS the toughest job you'll ever love. 

My beauty does not depend on my dress size. 

Only tattoo the names of your children on your body. Partners come and go. But kids are forever. 

We all have a reason for being here, whether we know the reason or not. 

If you pray why worry. If you worry why pray. 

Faith has nothing to do with religion or politics. 

Every religion has killed in the name of their God. Though I doubt God ever asked them too. 

God does not hate anyone, even people who hate. 

You get what you give. 

Freedoms at Risk.

I don't know how many people remember or know about the McCarthy era in the United States. It was a very scary time. The Cold War between the USA and the USSR was at a freezing point.  And a relatively unknown Senator Joe McCarthy added some liquid nitrogen. He convinced Americans that there were communists everywhere. And he took it upon himself to find them all. Any whisper of suspicion could end careers and lives. 

If you don't know about this era, don't worry. Prime Minister Harper is bringing it to Canada. With Bill C-51, the Conservative Government is introducing legislation that they say will protect us from terrorist attacks.

It is the government's responsibility to protect the citizens. But I question their methods when my civil rights are at risk. 

In Bill C-51, there is no clear definition of the word "threat."  This could include many protests, peaceful or otherwise.  The bill allows the petitioning of federal court judges to order "threat reduction" activities which could include an infringement of civil rights in Canada and abroad. 

If you should find yourself on a no fly list, your means of appeal are limited. I am someone who has family in South America and Europe, as many Canadians. This is a threat to our freedom and no way to fight for our right to travel. 

Finally, there is a lack of checks and balances in this new bill that gives great powers with little accountability. 

Many of us may say, it doesn't affect us because we are not "part" of that culture. We obey the laws of our country. But this is no guarantee that we may not become a target just for expressing an opinion that is against government or its policies. 

Benjamin Franklin once said "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety."

We are priviledged to live in a free country. Yes, this means that there is an inherent risk of attacks of all sorts. I am willing to deal with the risk so that I and all Canadians continue to enjoy the freedoms to which we have become accustom. I urge you to take action against Bill C-51 to inform our government that our rights will not be violated. 

Living ain't for Wimps.

I have recently chosen to live my life with complete abandon. 

I want to sky dive and I will. I no longer listen to naysayers who say I cannot write a good book. If I want to dance, I do, even if the music is only in my head. If I want to sing, I do, even when I don't know the words. 

This also means that I open myself to stares, whispers and derision. But I have learned that this is their problem, not mine. I will not limit my experience of life, because another thinks that I am "crazy" or "wierd." I am neither. I am delightfully odd and whimsically unique. Trying not to be me for the sake of others, hurts me both emotionally and physically. I will no longer torture myself this way. 

This life philosophy also means I cannot feel anything half assed. Sometimes this is difficult but I would have no other way. When I say "I love you" it is not an off the cuff remark. My love comes from my heart and my soul. This not dramatic. It is the truth. When I am excited for myself or someone else, I scream, cheer and jump up like a kangaroo. 

When my son is playing hockey, and makes a game winning save, I ring my cow bell, and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Boy!" And I don't care who hears me. 

When my daughter choreographes and performs a figure skating routine, I ring my bell, even though some think it is too much. I cry with pride and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Girl!" And I don't care who hears me. 

It also means when I fall in love, I fall hard. It is glorious for me. There is a quote from LES MISÉRABLES that says it all. "To love another person is to see the face of God."  I have had the honour to see His face often; I love my parents, and my brothers, I loved the father of my children; I love my children. And I love a special person and though that relationship has changed, my love is no less deep in friendship.  

This also means that when a relationship ends, I hurt. When my heart is broken, it shatters. Many times, my head can understand why a relationship changes or ends but my heart usually takes more time. I cry, I scream and cry some more. Many have asked why I put myself out there when it can hurt so much. I answer without doubt:  I would not sacrifice the JOY to avoid a few tears, ever. If I do, it is the day I start to die. I am to young to die. 

Canada Multiculturalism Immigration

I was born and have lived my whole life in Canada; all of it in Ontario; and my childhood and youth in Northern Ontario. For those of you from the South, that is the big white portion of the province on the other side of your Ontario Road Map. I am a very proud Canadian and believe in my Country do or die. This does not mean my government, Mr Harper. 

I am grateful for the basic freedoms and civil rights we enjoy here. I know Canada is not perfect. We have many of the social problems from which many other countries suffer; poverty, hunger and many of our Aboriginal peoples are lacking basic necessities. These are not problems that our easily solved and by no means will I attempt to solve them here. 

I am not only a proud and grateful Canadian, I see myself as a privileged Canadian and human being. Because of the sense of multiculturalism that Canada has fostered, I do not see what can be called a "typical" Canadian. We are all Canadians but of different colours, creeds and ethnic backgrounds. What a marvellous opportunity, one that many other countries in the world cannot enjoy. 

There are rural parts of our country that perhaps do not represent the diversity that is Canada. Nonetheless, if one travels to one of our larger cities, the plethora of cultures is endless. I can speak personally only of Toronto and Montreal since those are the metropolises I have visited, but I suspect that any of the major cities would be similar.

I can walk through Toronto and eat a different type of food everyday; Chinese, Japanese, Caribbean, French, Russian, Indian and fusions of any of these and more.  There is an Italian Festival, Dragon Boat Races, Bonhomme Carnivale, and a St. Patrick Day Parade. Where else could one learn about just about any culture in the World and never have leave home. Many people complain about immigrants, and I suppose there are "good" immigrants and "bad" immigrants, just as there are good and bad natural Canadians. But let's all remember that unless you belong to the First Nations, we are all immigrants or their descendants. Instead of disparaging our differences, why not celebrate them. 

I am overjoyed to be at a hockey tournament and see the various names on the back of the jerseys. There is a Gallagher, a Smith, and a Charbonneau. But also a Ma, a Fardi, a Rodriguez and a Caputo. 

We are blessed to live here. It benefits all of Canada to celebrate the varied cultures that make up the Best Country in the World. 

Success

Success is elusive. This not news to anyone. But perhaps it depends on your definition of success. 

We have all made plans for our lives, perhaps women more than men. Career, marriage, kids and a home. I did have a plan and expected to be somewhere else by age 45. But as my Dad has told me; it is okay to plan, but don't plan the outcome. In my fairy tale, I did not have multiple sclerosis, nor was I single mom of two teenagers and struggling to get a writing career started. 

No matter how close or how far I am to my dream life, it is MY LIFE and I am living it to the best of my ability. And this is far from perfect.

I have yelled at my children. I have said things to them that I shouldn't have. 

I have overextended my self and aggravated my MS. I don't sleep enough, I do my best, but I am sure I could eat better and I am sure I do not exercise enough. 

My "office" is a mess. I have little self discipline and an abundance of self doubt. 

But none of that is really important. 

Every day I tell my children how much I love them and how much I believe in them and their dreams. 

Every day, I eat something that grew out of the ground, not a factory. I have accepted that a nap is NOT a four letter word. 

And ever day I write something or edit something or read something to make me a better writer. 

My life is not perfect and neither am I. I am ok with that. Because I know I am doing my best. 

It may not be the glamour and drama of The Housewives from wherever. It is definitely not with the grace and wisdom of the Dalai Lama. And thankfully not with the whatever of Martha Stewart.

I am not looking for perfection anymore, but progress towards doing things better than yesterday. 

That is my definition of success. 

Holiday Shopping Humour.

So. I have been dragged to the Mall on the next to last Saturday before Christmas and I forgot my football equipment. UGH!

It should be noted that MY Christmas Shopping is done. My 13 year old daughter is going to a Birthday Sleepover Party (epitome of oxymoron). And has to buy a gift. She has forgotten the wish list and so we have been wondering from store to store. The problem is, I am buying things in every store. 

I have decided to wait outside the store this time to give my debit card a rest. And I have begun to people watch. It is a passion of mine. 

This late in the December shopping season, one observes very distinct types. 

First, the young families. It's the first Christmas for a child and they have to get that perfect photo with Santa for the Grandparents. The Baby is either sleeping, crying or drooling. Dad is try to check the football score on his smart phone. And Mom is trying desperately to get the ribbon on Baby just so. By the way, Baby has no hair, which makes the ribbon simply ridiculous. As if the grandparents don't already know they have a granddaughter. 

Then we have the Dads with the kids. The reason he is out is because if he buys another kitchen appliance for his wife, he will have to pay a divorce lawyer to keep him from living in an alley in a piano crate. Mom is at home wrapping presents and insisted on privacy. His children are taking full advantage and are running amok. The inexperience Dad tries to bribe them with junk food which only worsens the situation. By the time he finds a gift for his wife, he is all out of money and is forced to go home empty handed except for the kids strung out on sugar. 

You also find the power Mom shopper. She is the one kicking herself for not finishing earlier. She has left the kids at home with their Dad. She knows that he is watching the game not the kids and the longer she is out shopping the bigger the mess. She will be forced to clean up this mess before feeding the kids and getting ready for the third Christmas party in two weeks. 

There are the teenage boys. Unless they have a girlfriend, they are only out to avoid the torturous hours of helping their Dad put up the outdoor Christmas lights. If one does have a girlfriend he may be looking for a gift but there is no way in the Universe he will buy it when he is out with "The Guys". It will be purchased when he is alone and in disguise later in the week. 

There are the Tween/Teen girls who twitter about and are just sooo confused as to what one of them will buy for the cute guy in math class. It may not matter that he doesn't know her name and she will probably sign the card "Secret Santa" so he never will. Also the question "What to buy my BFF?" It has to be just sooo right. And "What if she doesn't buy something for me?" "OMG. It will be sooo ooover. "

Finally there are the siblings. Mom and Dad have dropped off their little darlings. Mom and Dad quickly sneak off for some peace and quiet, and probably a nap. All the siblings have to do is find a present for Mom and Dad in the three hours allotted. It doesn't even have to be two presents. One to both of them is just fine. The two eldest argue and the small one has to pee. The eldest daughter finds the perfect romantic movie on BlueRay and the younger son thinks fishing gear is way better. And the little one still has to pee. After buying lunch, snacks and more pop for the little one, who still has to pee, they have no money and no present. They decide to go home and make redeemable coupons for hugs anytime of year. And the little one finally gets to pee. 

Although I dreaded this trip to the mall in the midst of the shopping season, I was able to chuckle at the chaos. 

If only we all knew that this holiday season, what ever your holiday, is about how much love you give and not about how much loot you get. 

Holidays

There are many Holidays in December. 

Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza and many more of which I am not aware. 

It seems that there is considerable contraversy over what should and  should not be displayed in public during this season. It is a contraversy that I do not understand. Why should anyone be offended by a Mkeka, Menorah or a Nativity scene; or any other cultural symbols that are appropriate for this time of year. If you want your celebration out there, than put it out there. Hopefully, it will peek people's curiosity and they will ask questions about what the symbols mean and how they are important to the celebration. This is a good thing. The more we know, the less we fear. The less we fear, the less we hate. The less we hate, the more we love. And is that not what these celebrations are all about. 

I grew up in a household that included just about every celebration through out the year. We did the standards but we had corn beef and cabbage every St. Patrick's Day and were sure to wear green right down to our underwear. This was because my Dad is from Irish decent. My Mom was born and raised in Sweden.  She knew very little about the patron Saint of Ireland, but embraced any reason that brought our family together. December 13 is Santa Lucia Day. This is a big celebration in Sweden with parades and special baking. We as a family put on the special costumes and brought the Swedish Peppar Cookies and Saffron Bread to my Dad in bed. For obvious reasons my Dad loved this and as children is was a way to connect with a heritage from across  the ocean. 

We also have a traditional Swedish Christmas Ham on Christmas Eve and since my children are half Jamaican, we enjoy curry goat. And after Midnight Mass, there was traditional French Canadian Tourtière. 

The Spirit of this season is love, whether it is to celebrate the Birth of a Saviour;Eight Days of Lamp Oil when there was only enough for one day; or a Year End Harvest. 

Please, every one, this is not a generic holiday season.  It means different things to different people. Let's include one another. If some one wants to wish me Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah or a Joyous Kwanza or any other, I do not and will not take offence or feel the need to correct them. Because I know that what is behind the words is a wish for joy and love. And I don't know anyone who would say no to that. 

So to every one peace and love and joy no matter if it is Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa or Festus...