Embrace The Confusion

     

I have often said if I were ever to write an autobiography it would be titled Embrace the Confusion.  In fact, I spend most of my waking hours confused.  If anyone knows me they know that I am not only a fountain of trivial knowledge but, I am also a geyser of questions.  The most commonly asked is why.  

    In fact I drove some high school teachers to distraction with all my questions.  Poor Mr. Dumanski in Grace Nine Science was tortured for an entire term.  This course was an introduction to several topics, including biology, physics and a bit of chemistry.  Mr. Dumanski was patient but apparently I was asking some questions beyond his scope of knowledge.  This didn't in anyway make him a bad teacher.  After all he was teaching the course as a replacement for a teacher on maternity leave.  At some point, I think he became overwhelmed and brought in the head of the science department, Mr. Tucci, to answer some of my questions.  Let's remember, this was science; some times it just is.  I think there is a why to everything, but we just know what it is yet. 

    I asked many questions through out my scholastic career and beyond.  I admit that it has become even more intense in my adulthood.  This is not something of which I am ashamed; in fact, quite the opposite.  I also taught my children to do the same.  Whenever you read, see or hear ANYTHING ask who is saying it; why are they saying it;  and who benefits.  This allows them to make intelligent and some what educated decisions.  The most important skill I had to teach my children was to think.  The world doesn't need blind following drones; it has enough. 

Some of the questions I ask may seem a bit ridiculous, even to me.  Be that as it may, they continue to randomly enter my mind.  Such as:

•    Why does the Pythagorean Theory work? And who truly discovered it?  Pythagora? The Babylonians? The Egyptians?

• What is Goofy? A dog? A cow? Some sort of genetic hybrid?

• What does human history look like to a 200 year old tree?

• Why do moths fly towards the light?  Are they seeking heat or spiritual enlightenment?

    And these are just a few that could pass through my mind in a given day or even an hour.  I guess these would be the more light hearted sort; nonetheless I would like to know the answers.

    

    Not all my questions are so benign.  Human behaviour has always fascinated me and confused me.  For instance:

• Why do people hate? How does it happen? Is it taught? Is it learned? Why can't people see it's destructiveness?

• Why is there war?  Does anything good come from it? If yes, what is it?

• Why does industry seem to think that profits are more important to people?

• What is the benefit of being rich, if the planet is unliveable for the human race?

   My most perplexing questions are of a more personal nature.  It goes way beyond "Why am I here?". I, at least, have a vague idea about that.  But I want to know more. 

• Am I here to learn a lesson or teach a lesson? If yes, what is it? How do I do it?

• Why do my life teachers die before I have learned all I can from them?

• Am I living my life according to God's plan for me? If not, how do I find The Plan?

• Have I have done enough to make the world better? What else can I do? Why does it never feel like I am doing enough?

    I have met many people who move through life with few to no questions about anything.  There is something to be said for the adage that ignorance is bliss.  But I  seem to be anatomically in capable of living that way.  Sometimes, I wish I could.  It seems like it would be a much more peaceful existence.  For me, that is all it would be, existence.  I could not grow.  And this goes against everything I know and feel in my heart and soul.  

    So I had to embrace the confusion.  To accept that I have an instinctual need to know why.  I cannot imagine myself being any other way.  I accept that this is me and regardless of the chaos it may cause, every answer is worth it.  It makes me a better person and affords me the chance to share my knowledge with others. 

That is why I am here.