So Much to Say.

Wow. There has been so much happening these past few months both personally and out there in the world: kid issues; a new relationship; a very long political campaign; ensueing election and a new government. It has actually made it hard for me to chose a topic. Really, this will be about all of these. 

What I have learnt through this time is that I just have to keep moving forward. And yes there were times when it seemed that a tortoise with a hernia was passing me. But whether they were grand strides, or wee baby steps I just kept taking them. 

I was battling a system that is archaic and does not understand the significance or how to deal with mental illness. I felt like I was not just battling a disease but the health care system to get the help needed. 

I challenge Prime Minister elect Justin Trudeau to take a hard look at how those with mental illness are treated.  I know there is a history in your family. I hope you and your loved ones were treated better than my family. 

Relationships are not for the faint hearted. There are always challenges: geographic; personal life choices; and of course the baggage accumulated over any lifetime. But just like with any relationship, honesty, patience, and the confidence to be yourself is the only way to go. 

Canada has just been through one of the longest election campaigns ever and all the parties went through ups and downs in the polls. Thank God the ordeal is over; no more mud slinging; no more creations of issues that really weren't issues; and the spin doctors putting in extra hours. Canadians have chosen a change. Let's hope we get it. 

All these events taught me that Life ain't for wimps. Courage is needed everyday. Sometimes that means heading into aa battle  head on and others it means to retreat and regroup. True wisdom is knowing when to do what. 

Family and Its Many Wonders.

Christina and Daniel, July 17, 2015

Today was an extraordinary day. My nephew Daniel married a beautiful young lady, Christina. It was the chance for the extended families of both bride and groom to come together and celebrate. As I have not been part of Christina's family until today, the following observations are of The Maidens Clan. 

I am sure we are not unlike other families in that large get togethers get limited to weddings and sadly funerals. We are have lives of our own, children responsibilities and jobs that overwhelm the idea of planning just a big party for the Hell of it. I fault no one for this. 

The Maidens Clan is large and far reaching for many reasons. My brothers and sisters have been born in four different countries (Canada, USA, Jamaica, Colombia). And now we live in five different countries (Canada, USA, Columbia, Domincan Republic & Haiti). So geographically, we are challenged to impromtu casual gatherings. But thankfully for for this special day, all my siblings were in the same place at the same time. 

Each of us have had our own personal challenges in our lives that may have kept us apart. These may include financial or emotional or others. Again I fault no one for this. We all have our own pathes to walk and it would be unrealistic that such an eclectic group of people would have pathes that meet perfectly. 

I am the youngest at 45 years old. Four and a half decades is a long time to wait. I was overwhelmed both by the fact we were here but also by the fact that it took so long for it to happen. 

My father is now almost 80 years old. He has become frail over last few years, and feels that his time is coming soon. I don't think I am the only one who believes he is just to too onery too die. There is that old saying: Only the Good Die Young. Lol. 

I could see the emotion in my father as he watched his children talking with each other, exchanging hugs, and sharing stories of his grandchildren. I don't think I would be lying or exagerating that he too was  overcome with joy and perhaps a little pride. We said often over the day that among his children, there is not a "dud" to be found. Regardless of their differring life experiences, they have all turned out to be good people. A great big thanks goes to their mothers, Vicky and Anita. 

I think what my point is that we really never know what God and the Universe has in store. Things that we think are impossible, may just be around the corner. God has often put my best made plans to shame and I am grateful. But on this day I am grateful to my God and the Universe that you saw fit to have a family, that at sometimes has been divided, together in happiness and love. 

Canada Day 2015

Happy Canada!!!!

I have said before and I will say it again, and until I die, I AM A PROUD CANADIAN. 

Today is not a day for politics or to share about my disatisfaction with our present government. Today is a day to let the world know we live in the best country in the world. We have more reasons to be proud than most Canadians know.

•We are the 2nd largest country in the world. 

•We have the only military force that completed their D. Day Mission on schedule. 

•We have 2 official languages. 

•Toronto has been listed as the most multicultural city in the world. 

•We are the most educated country in the world, with over half of our residences having a college degree. 

•Montreal is the 2nd largest French speaking city in the world, after Paris. 

•We are the home of the tallest totem pole in thw world, in Victoria. 

•Canada has a literacy rate of 99%. 

•We have braille on our currency (also Mexico, Israel, India). 

•The Mall of the Americas is owned by Canadians. 

•We have no Weapons of Mass Destruction as 1984, and have signed treaties repudiating their possesion. 

•After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Canada declared war against the Japanese before the U.S. 

•Canadian Police Services give out Positive Tickets when they see someone doing something positive. 

•Americans have invaded Canada twice, in 1775 and 1812. They lost both times. 

•We were the 3rd country in space. And considered to have the most advanced space program in 1962.

•The Avro. 

•Our inventions, advancements and discoveries include: the telephone, baskeball, the electric range, IMAX, insulin, and stem cells. 

I hope this has let people know that we are so much more than the "little brother" of the U.S.  

Be Proud. 

What is Race.

Many of you may have heard of the Rachel Dolezal, of Spokane, president of their NAACP chapter, who has identified herself as "African American."  It has since been made public, by her family that she is not. She did grow up with foster Black brothers and sisters, but her biological parents are indeed white. The NAACP has decided to support her and regardless of her race, she is not exempt from her position.

All that being said, it begs the question, how does one identify one's race?  

I am raising bi racial children and their Father and I have done our best to be "colour blind" and teach our children to be the same. It was not until my son started pre school that he questioned his "colour."  He ran up to me asked what colour he was. I admit that in my naivety, I was unprepared. I assumed that we had gotten past the idea of colour by their generation. Regretfully I was wrong.  My instintive answer was he was Café au Lait. His Father being the "café" and myself being the "au lait."  This answered satified him for quite a long time. 

I noticed, however, as he grew older, that he began to say he was black. I asked why, and his response was that this was the way other people saw him. Which brings me back to my original question. How do we identify our race? 

I cannot speak of the criteria of anyone else but me. I have done my best to maintain my blindness to colour. I see myself as a woman of the human race. My skin tone is irrelevant and whatever colours others see when they look at me are of no consequence. My heritage is of Ireland and Sweden, but I am a very proud Canadian. I appreciate that there are a plethora of cultures and subcultures on this planet, and am curious about all of them. Knowledge is the surest way to eliminate fear and prejudice. 

I do not know why Ms. Dolezal would identify her race as black when biologically she is not. But it does open up a large can of worms. What is the definition of race?

Mother & Daughter

I remember when I was a teenager. No other girl had the relationship like the one I had and have with my Mom. I really didn't understand why. I have always had a wonderful relationship with my Mom. I can ask her "Do I look fat in this?", and know I will get an honest but loving answer. And she can count on me for the same. 

I honestly could never fathom how much my Mom (and Dad) love me until I had children of my own. I changed on a molecular level. 

Today I had the pleasure of spending the day with my daughter and although we are at the beginning of her teenagehood, I think we have a relationship like my Mom and I have. We drive in the car, with the windows down singing at the top of our voices to the soundtrack to RENT.  Often the salespeople, when we are out shopping, laugh at our loving banter. 

I have so much fun when we are out together. We laugh and are honest about what looks good or not. 

Yes I am still her Mom and have to be the "bad guy". But as her Mom that is my job. I love her enough to let her hate me for a while. 

Parenthood is tough. But a day like today makes every rough tough moment worth it and then some. 

Busy being Born.

I am a passionate person. Most people who know me, will confirm this. 

One of my biggest passions is learning; anything and everything. I love watching documentaries: crime, history, nature and any other kind. 

Learning is part of my dedication to growth. Not only my knowledge of facts, but of spiritual and philosophical concepts. I want to learn everything. 

Much of the knowledge may be considered trivial. I realise that much of the facts I know will not make me a dollar. Nonetheless I value these facts because they encourage me to think and see the wonders of the Universe. It reminds me that I am not the end all and be all of this world and there is something divine at work in my life and that of every other living creature. 

My passion does not stop at learning that porcupines masturbate or that giraffes have the same number of bones in their necks as humans or that a koala bear has three vaginas (yup, it's true). But I also am constantly looking for a better way to live my life. How to change my perspective to help me be a better me. Whether it is learning about a different faith, or being able to see the wonders of Nature, there is always something to be learned. And most of all, I know that I can learn from anyone and anything. It may be from the cashier at the grocery store, the homeless person on the street, or a Phd. professor at a reputable University. There is something I can learn if I open my mind to it. I have learned that a smile, a please and a thank you can mean a lot to a person; that some people need compassion not judgement; and that sometimes a phd is just a piece of paper. 

If I am not busy being born, than I am busy dying. As long as I continue to learn, I am always busy being born. 

Lessons learnt over the last 16 353 days

This is what I have learned over my lifetime. Do not discount them for their simplicity. 

True love does not have strings. 

Learning knowledge is not gaining wisdom. 

Before speaking should come thinking. 

The most important part of falling down is getting back up. 

Never ever settle for second best. 

Ask the question. The worse they can say is no. And you are no worse than before you asked the question. 

You say more by listening than speaking. 

Don't stop seeing the world for the first time. 

My heart always has room to love one more person. 

Real strength isn't found in your muscles, it's found in your soul. 

A day is only 24 hours, not forever. 

Never underestimate the power of a smile and a kind word. 

The decision does change anything. Only the action does.

God always believes I am stronger than I think. He is always right. 

Find that one person who has your back. Be the person who has someone elses back. 

Never lose your silly side. You will need it for the toughest times in your life. 

Compassion and understanding are in short supply. Make a deposit. 

A kiss and a hug doesn't make everything better. But it helps. 

My happiness is in direct relation to my level of acceptance. 

Happiness is an inside job. 

My right to extend my arm ends at the tip of your nose. 

Taking out your garbage makes room for better stuff. 

Everyone I meet teaches me something. Sometimes it is what I don't want to be. 

To love another person is to see the face of God. 

The Sun will rise tomorrow. How I greet it is up to me. 

Parenthood IS the toughest job you'll ever love. 

My beauty does not depend on my dress size. 

Only tattoo the names of your children on your body. Partners come and go. But kids are forever. 

We all have a reason for being here, whether we know the reason or not. 

If you pray why worry. If you worry why pray. 

Faith has nothing to do with religion or politics. 

Every religion has killed in the name of their God. Though I doubt God ever asked them too. 

God does not hate anyone, even people who hate. 

You get what you give. 

Freedoms at Risk.

I don't know how many people remember or know about the McCarthy era in the United States. It was a very scary time. The Cold War between the USA and the USSR was at a freezing point.  And a relatively unknown Senator Joe McCarthy added some liquid nitrogen. He convinced Americans that there were communists everywhere. And he took it upon himself to find them all. Any whisper of suspicion could end careers and lives. 

If you don't know about this era, don't worry. Prime Minister Harper is bringing it to Canada. With Bill C-51, the Conservative Government is introducing legislation that they say will protect us from terrorist attacks.

It is the government's responsibility to protect the citizens. But I question their methods when my civil rights are at risk. 

In Bill C-51, there is no clear definition of the word "threat."  This could include many protests, peaceful or otherwise.  The bill allows the petitioning of federal court judges to order "threat reduction" activities which could include an infringement of civil rights in Canada and abroad. 

If you should find yourself on a no fly list, your means of appeal are limited. I am someone who has family in South America and Europe, as many Canadians. This is a threat to our freedom and no way to fight for our right to travel. 

Finally, there is a lack of checks and balances in this new bill that gives great powers with little accountability. 

Many of us may say, it doesn't affect us because we are not "part" of that culture. We obey the laws of our country. But this is no guarantee that we may not become a target just for expressing an opinion that is against government or its policies. 

Benjamin Franklin once said "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserves neither liberty nor safety."

We are priviledged to live in a free country. Yes, this means that there is an inherent risk of attacks of all sorts. I am willing to deal with the risk so that I and all Canadians continue to enjoy the freedoms to which we have become accustom. I urge you to take action against Bill C-51 to inform our government that our rights will not be violated. 

Living ain't for Wimps.

I have recently chosen to live my life with complete abandon. 

I want to sky dive and I will. I no longer listen to naysayers who say I cannot write a good book. If I want to dance, I do, even if the music is only in my head. If I want to sing, I do, even when I don't know the words. 

This also means that I open myself to stares, whispers and derision. But I have learned that this is their problem, not mine. I will not limit my experience of life, because another thinks that I am "crazy" or "wierd." I am neither. I am delightfully odd and whimsically unique. Trying not to be me for the sake of others, hurts me both emotionally and physically. I will no longer torture myself this way. 

This life philosophy also means I cannot feel anything half assed. Sometimes this is difficult but I would have no other way. When I say "I love you" it is not an off the cuff remark. My love comes from my heart and my soul. This not dramatic. It is the truth. When I am excited for myself or someone else, I scream, cheer and jump up like a kangaroo. 

When my son is playing hockey, and makes a game winning save, I ring my cow bell, and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Boy!" And I don't care who hears me. 

When my daughter choreographes and performs a figure skating routine, I ring my bell, even though some think it is too much. I cry with pride and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Girl!" And I don't care who hears me. 

It also means when I fall in love, I fall hard. It is glorious for me. There is a quote from LES MISÉRABLES that says it all. "To love another person is to see the face of God."  I have had the honour to see His face often; I love my parents, and my brothers, I loved the father of my children; I love my children. And I love a special person and though that relationship has changed, my love is no less deep in friendship.  

This also means that when a relationship ends, I hurt. When my heart is broken, it shatters. Many times, my head can understand why a relationship changes or ends but my heart usually takes more time. I cry, I scream and cry some more. Many have asked why I put myself out there when it can hurt so much. I answer without doubt:  I would not sacrifice the JOY to avoid a few tears, ever. If I do, it is the day I start to die. I am to young to die. 

Canada Multiculturalism Immigration

I was born and have lived my whole life in Canada; all of it in Ontario; and my childhood and youth in Northern Ontario. For those of you from the South, that is the big white portion of the province on the other side of your Ontario Road Map. I am a very proud Canadian and believe in my Country do or die. This does not mean my government, Mr Harper. 

I am grateful for the basic freedoms and civil rights we enjoy here. I know Canada is not perfect. We have many of the social problems from which many other countries suffer; poverty, hunger and many of our Aboriginal peoples are lacking basic necessities. These are not problems that our easily solved and by no means will I attempt to solve them here. 

I am not only a proud and grateful Canadian, I see myself as a privileged Canadian and human being. Because of the sense of multiculturalism that Canada has fostered, I do not see what can be called a "typical" Canadian. We are all Canadians but of different colours, creeds and ethnic backgrounds. What a marvellous opportunity, one that many other countries in the world cannot enjoy. 

There are rural parts of our country that perhaps do not represent the diversity that is Canada. Nonetheless, if one travels to one of our larger cities, the plethora of cultures is endless. I can speak personally only of Toronto and Montreal since those are the metropolises I have visited, but I suspect that any of the major cities would be similar.

I can walk through Toronto and eat a different type of food everyday; Chinese, Japanese, Caribbean, French, Russian, Indian and fusions of any of these and more.  There is an Italian Festival, Dragon Boat Races, Bonhomme Carnivale, and a St. Patrick Day Parade. Where else could one learn about just about any culture in the World and never have leave home. Many people complain about immigrants, and I suppose there are "good" immigrants and "bad" immigrants, just as there are good and bad natural Canadians. But let's all remember that unless you belong to the First Nations, we are all immigrants or their descendants. Instead of disparaging our differences, why not celebrate them. 

I am overjoyed to be at a hockey tournament and see the various names on the back of the jerseys. There is a Gallagher, a Smith, and a Charbonneau. But also a Ma, a Fardi, a Rodriguez and a Caputo. 

We are blessed to live here. It benefits all of Canada to celebrate the varied cultures that make up the Best Country in the World. 

Success

Success is elusive. This not news to anyone. But perhaps it depends on your definition of success. 

We have all made plans for our lives, perhaps women more than men. Career, marriage, kids and a home. I did have a plan and expected to be somewhere else by age 45. But as my Dad has told me; it is okay to plan, but don't plan the outcome. In my fairy tale, I did not have multiple sclerosis, nor was I single mom of two teenagers and struggling to get a writing career started. 

No matter how close or how far I am to my dream life, it is MY LIFE and I am living it to the best of my ability. And this is far from perfect.

I have yelled at my children. I have said things to them that I shouldn't have. 

I have overextended my self and aggravated my MS. I don't sleep enough, I do my best, but I am sure I could eat better and I am sure I do not exercise enough. 

My "office" is a mess. I have little self discipline and an abundance of self doubt. 

But none of that is really important. 

Every day I tell my children how much I love them and how much I believe in them and their dreams. 

Every day, I eat something that grew out of the ground, not a factory. I have accepted that a nap is NOT a four letter word. 

And ever day I write something or edit something or read something to make me a better writer. 

My life is not perfect and neither am I. I am ok with that. Because I know I am doing my best. 

It may not be the glamour and drama of The Housewives from wherever. It is definitely not with the grace and wisdom of the Dalai Lama. And thankfully not with the whatever of Martha Stewart.

I am not looking for perfection anymore, but progress towards doing things better than yesterday. 

That is my definition of success.