Living ain't for Wimps.

I have recently chosen to live my life with complete abandon. 

I want to sky dive and I will. I no longer listen to naysayers who say I cannot write a good book. If I want to dance, I do, even if the music is only in my head. If I want to sing, I do, even when I don't know the words. 

This also means that I open myself to stares, whispers and derision. But I have learned that this is their problem, not mine. I will not limit my experience of life, because another thinks that I am "crazy" or "wierd." I am neither. I am delightfully odd and whimsically unique. Trying not to be me for the sake of others, hurts me both emotionally and physically. I will no longer torture myself this way. 

This life philosophy also means I cannot feel anything half assed. Sometimes this is difficult but I would have no other way. When I say "I love you" it is not an off the cuff remark. My love comes from my heart and my soul. This not dramatic. It is the truth. When I am excited for myself or someone else, I scream, cheer and jump up like a kangaroo. 

When my son is playing hockey, and makes a game winning save, I ring my cow bell, and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Boy!" And I don't care who hears me. 

When my daughter choreographes and performs a figure skating routine, I ring my bell, even though some think it is too much. I cry with pride and yell at the top of my voice "That's my Girl!" And I don't care who hears me. 

It also means when I fall in love, I fall hard. It is glorious for me. There is a quote from LES MISÉRABLES that says it all. "To love another person is to see the face of God."  I have had the honour to see His face often; I love my parents, and my brothers, I loved the father of my children; I love my children. And I love a special person and though that relationship has changed, my love is no less deep in friendship.  

This also means that when a relationship ends, I hurt. When my heart is broken, it shatters. Many times, my head can understand why a relationship changes or ends but my heart usually takes more time. I cry, I scream and cry some more. Many have asked why I put myself out there when it can hurt so much. I answer without doubt:  I would not sacrifice the JOY to avoid a few tears, ever. If I do, it is the day I start to die. I am to young to die.