(Temporary Backup) Happiness

Happiness is an inside job. 

You’re only as happy as you make your mind up to be. 

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. 

I know that there a million other clichés about being happy, but these will help me make my point. Although they sound wise, simple and easy, the easy part is BULL SHIT. 

Pardon my language but I need to make the point of this post perfectly clear. As simple as it sounds, the path to happiness is not for wimps. 

This post is not going to be about  cute kittens, Unicorns or rainbows. It is about a battle: the battle for happiness. 

It seems an oxymoron to use the words happiness and battle in the same sentence but there is nothing more true. 

I know that I don’t speak only for myself when I say my life has not gone according to plan. Some of it has far exceeded expectations, but a lot has fell way short. Looking only at the latter can drown me in disappointment, inadequacy and failure. They have a very strong current that is not easy to survive, never mind maneuver. It takes a lot of strength and endurance which can be in short supply. 

The obvious answer is to signal for help, but those feelings themselves make me want to isolate, like being alone is going to somehow save me. I got here by doing it alone, how could it help to stay alone. 

No battle, no war was ever won alone. Other than Canada, Great Britain and the US, 10 other countries sent troops to storm Normandy. Together they began the end of WWII. This is just one example and if none of the military power houses of the time could take down the Nazis on their own, what makes me think I can make it through life without others?  Pride? Fear?

It is easy to see all the strikes against me. I have MS which significantly reduces my ability to do things, like working full time and not needing outside help to stay financially a float. 

My marriage failed and although I know I am not solely to blame, I know I did have a part. I don’t have a house anymore and am unlikely to be able to own one alone. I constantly feel that I’m behind, especially when I see all the accomplishments others my age have achieved. I’m not able to give to my children what I have wanted. And if I don’t force myself to stop, that list can go on forever. 

So I reach out. There is always someone or something. They remind me of all the good things to tally; all the ones that I have forgotten or discounted while sinking in an undertow. 

I loved my ex husband deeply and did my best to make the marriage work. My MS has been stable for many years because I have done my best to take care of my needs. I helped raise two of the most exceptional children that have ever lived. They are two of the best people I know and are changing my world with inspiration every day. I have a part time job that I truly love and feel that I am doing good for a lot of young people; maybe even broadening their horizons. I have people in my life that love and support me and whom I love. 

With all these good things, it should be easy to stay happy. 

But we all know that’s not true. Many people have even more “good” things in their lives and still battle to be happy. So what do we do?

I think the first step to any happiness or peace or serenity must start with acceptance of what is and what isn’t. There are so many things that are totally beyond my control. That includes everything except my behaviour. There is something incredibly empowering when I admit powerlessness. I can focus on me, somewhat guilt free. I’m a Mom so I feel guilty at times.  But I look for progress not perfection.

I will never be an astronaut or a nuclear scientist. But I never wanted to be any way. 

To quote my son, “The people around you who really care have a way of keeping things in perspective.”  I wonder how he got so smart. 

After acceptance, I have to move on to gratitude. Sometimes the list is pretty basic, but if smaller things make you happy, the happier you’ll be. 

I say thank you for the Sun. It warms my face and spirit. 

I say thank you for food and shelter. They keep safe and alive. 

I say thank you for family and friends. They hold me up when I cannot stand on my own. 

I say thank you for a desire to learn. As long as I learn I am being born anew. If I’m not busy being born, I’m busy dying. 

I say thank you for the ability to love and be compassionate. It gives be the opportunity to be loved and experience deep joy. 

With a list like this, why is it hard to stay happy. Because, though I am a spiritual being, I am having a human experience. And as such I falter. I can be blind to the beauty and deaf to the symphony that is my life. 

This is the ultimate battle. To look past the dark and see the light. It is not easy. The darkness can be heavy and paralyzing. The light is there. With acceptance and gratitude for what is and the help of others, its glow is powerful and empowering.