Holiday Shopping Humour.

So. I have been dragged to the Mall on the next to last Saturday before Christmas and I forgot my football equipment. UGH!

It should be noted that MY Christmas Shopping is done. My 13 year old daughter is going to a Birthday Sleepover Party (epitome of oxymoron). And has to buy a gift. She has forgotten the wish list and so we have been wondering from store to store. The problem is, I am buying things in every store. 

I have decided to wait outside the store this time to give my debit card a rest. And I have begun to people watch. It is a passion of mine. 

This late in the December shopping season, one observes very distinct types. 

First, the young families. It's the first Christmas for a child and they have to get that perfect photo with Santa for the Grandparents. The Baby is either sleeping, crying or drooling. Dad is try to check the football score on his smart phone. And Mom is trying desperately to get the ribbon on Baby just so. By the way, Baby has no hair, which makes the ribbon simply ridiculous. As if the grandparents don't already know they have a granddaughter. 

Then we have the Dads with the kids. The reason he is out is because if he buys another kitchen appliance for his wife, he will have to pay a divorce lawyer to keep him from living in an alley in a piano crate. Mom is at home wrapping presents and insisted on privacy. His children are taking full advantage and are running amok. The inexperience Dad tries to bribe them with junk food which only worsens the situation. By the time he finds a gift for his wife, he is all out of money and is forced to go home empty handed except for the kids strung out on sugar. 

You also find the power Mom shopper. She is the one kicking herself for not finishing earlier. She has left the kids at home with their Dad. She knows that he is watching the game not the kids and the longer she is out shopping the bigger the mess. She will be forced to clean up this mess before feeding the kids and getting ready for the third Christmas party in two weeks. 

There are the teenage boys. Unless they have a girlfriend, they are only out to avoid the torturous hours of helping their Dad put up the outdoor Christmas lights. If one does have a girlfriend he may be looking for a gift but there is no way in the Universe he will buy it when he is out with "The Guys". It will be purchased when he is alone and in disguise later in the week. 

There are the Tween/Teen girls who twitter about and are just sooo confused as to what one of them will buy for the cute guy in math class. It may not matter that he doesn't know her name and she will probably sign the card "Secret Santa" so he never will. Also the question "What to buy my BFF?" It has to be just sooo right. And "What if she doesn't buy something for me?" "OMG. It will be sooo ooover. "

Finally there are the siblings. Mom and Dad have dropped off their little darlings. Mom and Dad quickly sneak off for some peace and quiet, and probably a nap. All the siblings have to do is find a present for Mom and Dad in the three hours allotted. It doesn't even have to be two presents. One to both of them is just fine. The two eldest argue and the small one has to pee. The eldest daughter finds the perfect romantic movie on BlueRay and the younger son thinks fishing gear is way better. And the little one still has to pee. After buying lunch, snacks and more pop for the little one, who still has to pee, they have no money and no present. They decide to go home and make redeemable coupons for hugs anytime of year. And the little one finally gets to pee. 

Although I dreaded this trip to the mall in the midst of the shopping season, I was able to chuckle at the chaos. 

If only we all knew that this holiday season, what ever your holiday, is about how much love you give and not about how much loot you get.